Monday, March 26, 2012

The Sixteen Year Club - Pt. 4


It was the year 2000 and Y2K had failed to cause the end of the universe as many had thought. We were seniors and the school year was ending. It had been a rough four years for David. He was in the advanced program classes and had a nervous breakdown last year that wound him up in the counselors’ office when he was supposed to meeting us for lunch. When Stan first started High School his dad tried to home school him but after two years and a lot of complaining from him and his mom Stan was back in school with us. Derek had failed a math and science so he would have to go to summer school, he wasn’t graduating with us. He’d actually miss too many days in summer school and end up re-doing his senior year. I remember being glad that he didn’t drop out.

Brian had passed. He was ready to graduate by some miracle. He had missed a lot of days of school and other than a few exceptions had fallen behind in his classes. His parents and partially myself convinced him how important it was to finish. It was sad, Brian was a smart kid. He had changed a little though. He still hung out with us but he had made some new friends as well. He lost his virginity to a girl named Peggy Laudner one Friday night and the rest began from there. He had started using drugs and drinking with his new friends as well as taking random day trips when he was supposed to be at school. He finally sat down and talked to Pierce one night after church and after a lot of encouragement from us stopped hanging out with that group. He said he needed it, I wouldn’t understand that statement until a lot later on in life.

I myself had made it through these four years better than I should have really. I killed my social side and buried myself in my school work. I had a short lived relationship with a girl named Kristina that left me weary of future relationships for a bit. That almost threw off my grades for a little bit, I now see how stupid it was to pine over her. When I wasn’t studying I read as much as I could, not just fiction but books on science and paranormal occurrences. I’m not sure if it did any good but it was what I wanted to do.

I didn’t ignore my friends, but there was a looming cloud that seemed to be in our way. We still hung out at church and on the weekends when we could. It just got a little bit harder with Derek’s sports, David’s studies, and mine and Stan’s jobs. On top of it all though there was a kind of off feeling I felt every time we hung out, like it would be the last time we were going to hang out. I feel bad for saying this but I had almost forgotten about that night, the time that Brian had left. It was all still looming over us like a sickness with tendrils in each of our minds. It wasn’t until that afternoon that Brian and I talked, that was the conversation that brought everything back into perspective.

We were originally all going to meet up but Stan’s dad needed him at the auto shop and David got an invitation to go to some computer graphics seminar at Macon State College. Brian and I decided to wait around the school until Derek was done with the team’s end of the year free-for-all game. We had walked around the school for a bit and said goodbye to a few more people. We would see a lot of them at graduation but not all of them.

There was a hill where we used to go watch the cheerleaders practice when we had to wait on Derek. Today the practice field wasn’t being used for anything so we had the whole view of nothing to ourselves. We sat down and threw small pebbled we had picked up from the senior parking lot. We would just see how far each of us could hurl the rocks. After several minutes of this though I felt the lack of conversation was going to kill me and I needed something to tide me over until we could get pizza.

The sun was hot, no surprise as it was June in Georgia. The humidity is really what kills you though. The smell of fresh cut grass had mixed with exhaust fumes from the multiple buses and near-by student parking lots.

“I can’t believe we’ll be graduating soon.”

He didn’t respond to my bait. He just threw another rock and watched it soar. I could see he wanted to say something, it was in his eyes.

“Hey,” I thought I’d at least make sure he could hear me. I hated being ignored.

“I should be going through a mid-life crisis right now,” he informed me.

“What?”

“Think about it, it’s been five years,” his words hit me like a run-away train. Everything flooded back in and the wound was re-opened as fresh as it was that night. “I have eleven years of my life left.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. My mouth was sealed shut against my will and I had no words of encouragement or sympathy that even tried to come to mind.

“I’ve been thinking about it and with everything going on lately I,” he paused. “I thought it was all just some stupid dream at first, like it never happened.” He looked at me. “It did happen though, that night, it was real wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly before even realizing the word came out of my mouth. I was on a five year streak of feeling like the shittiest friend ever with this being the peak.

“I thought so.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out something I hadn’t seen in years, the small red candy-like looking sphere that he had coughed up that night. “I don’t know what this thing is but I’ve thrown it away ten times and it keeps showing up back in my pocket or on my desk.”

“What do you mean?”

Brian stood and reared back chunking the small stone across the field, almost to the end. “I’ve done that more times than I can remember and every time it manages to come back somehow. My mom found it in my jeans when she was about to wash them one time, it was under my pillow last week. You told me this came from that night.”

“It did,” I said regrettably. “He said you would need to hold on to it, whether you wanted to or not.” I looked away from him. “I don’t know what it is but,” I stopped, not knowing where I was going with that sentence. “We still have time. I’ve been reading up on some of this and trying to find a way to maybe-“

“Reading up,” He said cynically. “They’ve written books and term papers on dying and your friends making deals with, with,” he stuttered to say what I had finally forced myself to say a few years ago, “what, Death? Making a deal to bring your best friend back to life, but not for good, just for a few precious years you shaved off the shit end of your life.”

That’s when I realized the situation had just become way too serious for me.

“Brian,” nothing came after his name, I still didn’t know what to say. He was angrier than I had ever seen him about this. “I think we can still do something, I haven’t given up hope and you shouldn’t either.” That was a virtue and a curse for me. Sometimes I had too much hope.

“Not to be that guy,” that was his new phrase for the last few months, “but it’s not going to happen to you is it? You’re not going to just drop dead on Halloween night eleven years from now because you made a stupid mistake, are you?”

“No,” I got defensive and I shouldn’t have. “I tried to give up my entire for you but he wouldn’t let me.” I stepped toward him almost wanted to shake him. “I tried to do everything I could, I wanted to give you more time but I couldn’t ask the others to do that.”

Brian looked down and away from me. Maybe he was trying not to cry, I’m not sure.

“I tried, and I haven’t given up trying.” Which was true, it had become a small part of my life to think of ways around it. “I mean it, I’ve been trying to research this, see if anyone else has had any dealings with these things. All because I don’t want to see you die.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“So you’ll forgive me if I haven’t given up and ask you not to do the same.”

He nodded and didn’t say anything. The next moment was a bit odd but I hugged Brian. I didn’t like people hugging me unless I was very physically attracted to them so I’m not sure what possessed me to hug him at that point. I expected him to give me one of his trademark odd looks with the right raised eyebrow. Instead he just nodded somberly agreeing with me. I heard a noise and quickly released him and he took a step away from me.

“It’s a doggie dog world out there on the field during those last of the year games,” Derek said coming up from behind us from the main field.

“Don’t you mean dog eat dog,” Brian corrected quickly, getting the last of his anger out.

“No,” Derek was good at letting stuff just wash off his shoulder. “That sounds stupid.”

We all laughed, it felt good to. I’m not sure if Derek realized how serious the conversation he had walked up on was but something tells me he did. Derek was emotionally strong and not stupid, he knew what he was doing even if he didn’t know anything. I’ve always thought that intelligence isn’t determined by factual knowledge and being able to recite passages from Shakespeare or mathematic equations, rather the ability to problem solve and understand concepts.

“We getting this pizza trip going? I could eat a horse.”

I nodded in agreement with Derek.

Brian smirked, “you’re always hungry. I don’t care if it is after a baseball practice or after dinner, you’re just so active no one can tell you’re a fat-ass.”

“Oh you’re full of shit,” Derek spat back as we all began to walk to his car.

His car was the only one with a CD player and mine had no air conditioning, so during the summer we just all gave him gas money in favor of comfort. Derek’s dad had found him an old 89 Honda accord with faded gold paint and a brand new CD player he bought at a police auction. It was hardly the “pussy wagon” Derek originally wanted to cruise around in but it was better than our cars.

“So you know Jenny Barton?”

“yeah,” I said, expecting a story from Derek.

“Her douchebag boyfriend Brad slid into my knee hard as shit, I think he was trying to hurt me because he saw me talking to Jenny last game.”

“Um,” Brian interrupted, “Didn’t you tell me she showed you her tits at one of the football games?” There was the expression he was famous for.

“That’s not the point,” Derek knew it was. “He didn’t know that and he’s just trying to start shit to make up for his lack of a dick. She told me about their first time in her parent’s pool house. It’s why all of her friends called him Mr. Two Minutes for the last year and a half.”

“So just because he doesn’t know of your transgression his anger isn’t warranted?”

“Exactly,” He said throwing his sports bag into his trunk and slamming it shut for emphasis.

“Your moral compass may be a bit skewed,” I said before laughing a bit.

We all got into Derek’s car. It was my turn to sit in the back seat. Derek pulled out his keys and was starting the car as Brian shot me a look. You see we had a game we played whenever we rode with Derek. In the past year or so he only owned about five CD’s and whenever you got in his car one of those five was blaring after he turned the car on. Whenever you asked him about expanding his music library or if he owned any other CD’s he would always become defensive of his choices and say it was all about his rock roots.

I’m not saying I was ever a music elitist or anything close to that but Derek really thought he was, at least when it came to the bands he liked. It was hard to be in Macon. There were no good radio stations that played anything other than eighties or top forty hits. We all hated boy bands and that fad, other than David whom we had caught with not one but two Britney Spears albums. Just to clue you in on how bad our area was they tried to do an alternative rock station when we were in the tenth grade. It lasted about a year and it was amazing. They played stuff like Nine Inch Nails, Tool, and Slipknot. After midnight they would even play stuff with curse words in it and seemed to genuinely not give a shit.

That particular day Brian had guessed it would be Bush that we would hear and I had gone with Disturbed. We were both wrong though.

“Die, die, die my darling, don’t utter a single word

Die, die, die my darling, just shut your pretty eyes

I’ll be seeing you again, yeah, I’ll be seeing you in Hell.”

The words of James Hetfield blared out from the two back speakers and almost hurt my ears. I liked the song but Derek had worn it out for me. I made a face and Brian laughed slightly at my pain. There was a moment where I started realizing that every time this song came on Derek would sing it to his ex-girlfriend Sharon and would head bang to the guitar riffs. Sharon tried to convince Derek she was pregnant with his child when it was really just a cry for attention.

We drove towards Ingleside Village Pizza. It was Derek’s favorite place to eat and over the summer he would get a job there as a cook. It was an interesting place, at least until they moved into their new building a few years later. There were Christmas lights hung along the ceiling and walls as well as many pictures of odd pop culture things strewn about. The staff wasn’t the most polite or on any cusp of fashion or anything else really, we always thought they were pretty cool though. A couple of the guys that graduated before us had gotten jobs there and, well you know how you look up to people for all the wrong reasons at that age.

We ordered two large pizzas with an assortment of toppings that would probably make my stomach turn now. Between the three of us the two pieces didn’t last that long. Derek was a big muscular frame who like Brian liked to point out was constantly eating. I was pretty big myself, having only taken weight training as my physical education classes. My dad had hoped, regarding my size, that if I wasn’t going to do baseball that I’d at least try football and he wasn’t the only one to say I’d make a good lineman. Brian was pretty skinny in High School and didn’t really do any sports but he could still put food away when he needed to.

“Man I love this barbeque sauce on here,” Derek informed us, again.

“We know.”

There was a pause as we all eyed the last few pieces trying to decide who would devour the last odd slice. I sipped my iceless coke from the large red cup and looked up at my two friends. This was comforting. Things were getting ready to change, more so than I knew at the time but even at that current moment the end of High School and such events just meant change and difference no matter how you looked at it. Still, this, though a thing that might end soon with my friends if we went different ways, felt good. It felt right. I saw Derek’s expression though as he was letting the first pizza digest and I could tell he had something he wanted to talk about.

“I can’t believe I have to go to summer school.”

“David tried to help you with your math,” Brian reminded him.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s not that easy.”

I felt I had to point out, “David’s kind of a one that does and not a teacher. He helped me with my algebra class. The kid is crazy smart but sometimes he has trouble bringing everyone else up to his level and doesn’t realize it.”

“That’s putting it nice,” Brian laughed. “When it comes to math or science he doesn’t think he’s ever wrong.” He paused before adding, “who am I kidding, out of all of us he’s got the best future ahead of him out of all of us.”

I nodded but I couldn’t help but think of what it meant for Brian to say that. For the rest of us our futures were in fact most of what we were thinking about right then, for him though it was a depressing topic at best.

“You guys are both going off to college aren’t you? Still Macon State?”

“I applied there and Georgia College & State University,” I told him. I was pretty sure I’d end up at Macon State though. It was cheaper and my dad had really scared me off from trying student loans after hearing his debt horror stories. For what I wanted to do though GC&SU would have probably been a better place for me.

Brian looked up to answer as he grabbed another slice of pizza. “Yeah I think so, haven’t applied yet though. Mom suggested I take a semester off and visit the rest of my family in Texas for a while but I’m not sure.”

“We know David is heading to Georgia Tech,” Derek said. “Not sure about Stan.”

“You’re assuming he doesn’t get in MIT, his parents are pushing him towards it.” I grabbed the last slice of pizza I would eat that night and looked at Derek, realizing he was getting to a bigger point.

“My dad wants me to get a job,” he said. “I don’t think they see me as the college type.”

“Nah,” Brian encouraged. “You can do it, if I can you can.”

“I just don’t want to be stuck here,” Ah, there was the problem. “Especially if you guys aren’t going to be around, it’s boring enough around here already I don’t want it to suck even worse.”

“You act like we aren’t going to see each other anymore,” I re-assured him in my own round-about way.

“Stan will most likely be here,” Brian said after chewing. “As long as his dad is alive he’ll want Stan to stay around and help him run it.”

I added, “and take it over when he dies.”

“He said something about tech school.”

“Why,” Brian asked Derek. “He’s been doing this his whole life. I bet he knows more about fixing a car than most of the teachers there.”

“How long was he a part of that car customization club?”

“A while,” Brian answered. “If it weren’t for his dad he’d be a ricer.”

“What,” maybe he was right but I doubted it. “If his dad wasn’t around he could be his own person. It’d be better for him.”

No one said anything about the subject after that. It was a thought we had all had but no one had really discussed with Stan. You can’t pick your parents after all. We were all products of our parents but Stan, out of us all, was the most influenced by them. Forcibly even. My dad, though I wasn’t exactly what he had wanted, would eventually come around and respect me as a man. I never realized how much I wanted that from him until the day I graduated college and he seemed so happy—no—content is the right word. I wasn’t the only one dealing with stuff like that though and I think I got off pretty lucky.

After each slice of pizza was finished and we drank another coke a piece while discussing our plans for after graduation we finally left. Derek drove us each back to our cars at the school; as was custom for us though we found ourselves in the parking lot talking for a bit longer.

“You’re all still going to Caleb’s party right?”

“I guess so,” I said looking back at Derek as I leaned against my car. “I didn’t play two different sports with the guy, but he seems cool and he did invite us all.”

“Well, except for David,” Brian pointed out. “Not even sure he knows David exists even though he is with us constantly.” He picked up a handful of small rocks. “I think I’ll go though, something fun to do and I hear Mindy Turner will be there.”

“And booze,” Derek quickly reminded us. The idea was sound. I had only been to one other real party and this one would be my first as someone outside of High School.

I had only ever tasted beer one other time in my life at that point. When I was ten or so I went to a bowling competition out in Warner Robins that my mom had signed me up for. While there and waiting for the next round of the competition I had decided to go off and play arcade games to pass the time since my only other friend in the tournament had already been eliminated and gone home. I didn’t hear the announcement about everyone having to switch lanes that came over the speakers and when I went back to what I thought was my lane I didn’t see my mother or any of the other usual people. I did see however what I thought was my plastic cup of sweet tea and drank heavily of it only to get a rather rude awakening. I remember quickly putting the cup back down and walking away to find mom, not wanting anyone else to see my mistake.

At that age the taste of beer was horribly disgusting to me. I’d re-acquaint myself with the taste and find it as my new friend later in college. Plus beer is cheaper. The great thing about going to parties like Caleb’s was that his parents were rich and really didn’t care what he did. So there would be no parents, a surplus of beer, and his little black book of girls which was not limited to our school. All and all it was a good idea.

“Well I’ll be there,” Derek reminded us as if we didn’t already know. “I have to get home though, my dad wants to talk to me about this summer school thing and run some errands for him early in the morning,” he said opening his car door.

We said our goodbyes. He cranked his car and we could hear his speakers blaring the music from inside, clear enough for us to hear every word even with his doors shut and when he got down the road a bit. Brian and I watched him drive off and we looked at each other for a long moment.

“Guess I should go too.”

“Brian.”

“yeah?”

“About what we discussed earlier, before Derek came up.”

“What’s there to discuss dude, it’s done. I just need to decide how I want to,” he paused uneasily, “spend the rest of my life.”

“See,” I was angry, maybe more at myself. “You’ve given up.”

“No, I’m just being realistic.”

He didn’t say anything else. He just got into his car and gave me one last look before he turned over the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. I watched, knowing instantly that I should have said something else. I had thought about it many times before and would more afterwards but I still to this day have trouble with this conversation. I’m not sure anyone could blame me though. No one has written a self help book on loved ones dying due to deals with death.

I stood in the parking lot focused on his tail lights as they turned the corner and disappeared away from the school. I told myself to go home and try and relax, I had a big day coming up tomorrow with graduation and everything but something I was powerless to stop nagged at me.

---

The year was 2005 and to say a lot had changed seemed like an understatement. I had been through college and after four and a half years I had a degree in psychology and a minor in science. I really owed David’s tutoring in High School for the interest in science, but it helped me out a lot either way. I had become a lot more serious about my studies, especially after I left Macon State when my core classes were done.

I had finally found a school I was looking for to attend for my masters program in Paranormal Sciences. Coralark University in Maine was the school I chose, not just for the program there but for the library and resources in the occult. I never fully explained it to anyone. I told my family I was furthering my studies in psychology, which I planned on doing at some point. I didn’t even really tell the guys much more than the title of the program. For people who had been through something like we had together you would think they wouldn’t question it, but the looks I got left me a little taken aback.

We hadn’t really hung out that much, at least not as much as we said we would. Things change after High School, and you think it won’t change you but it will. We had all gotten wrapped up in the directions our lives had been taking us. We had stayed in contact but David and I weren’t attending the church on a regular basis anymore due to where we had moved.

Brian, Derek, and Stan were still hanging out on a pretty regular basis for a while until Stan got busy with work and trade school. Derek had a number of different part-time jobs he had been through as well as, much to my surprise, a relationship with Jessica he was trying to nurture. He was taking it pretty seriously too. It was odd watching him give up his man-whoring ways. Brian and I started Macon State around the same time but his mother got sick and his grades fell behind. He lost his HOPE money, which made it really difficult to pay and in the end he just didn’t think college was right for him. It was a sad and very typical story. I had just wished it hadn’t happened to Brian.

As I’m sure you’ve guessed though I had to go back to Macon for a reason. That’s not entirely true though. I could have made an excuse or figured out some way to get out of it. The prospect of seeing all of the guys together again though really drove me to it. It didn’t hurt that my invitation came directly from Dana herself. The phone call from her came out of nowhere and brought back a lot of memories, good and bad.

Dana had gone to college at Macon State as well but ended up getting a scholarship to Wesleyan. She took the scholarship, in part to get out from living with her grandfather, according to Jessica at least. She was studying to be a teacher, something I thought she would be great at. She didn’t want to stop there though and had dabbled with the ideas of joining the Peace Corps or going to teach English in Korea. Maybe she just wanted to get out of Macon, I wasn’t sure.

She called me that night though and her sweet voice still sounded as warm and inviting as it had years ago. What she had to say though, wasn’t so sweet. Her grandfather, Captain Louis R. Crowne, had suffocated in his sleep two nights ago and his funeral would be on Friday. She told me it would mean a lot to her and her family if I could come down and that afterwards it would give us all a chance to catch up if I could stick around an extra day. I thought about it but the decision wasn’t hard, I wanted to go see everyone and if I could provide any comfort for Dana in the process so be it.

I took a plane down to Hartsfield airport and a Groome van back to Macon where my mom met me. We went out to the house where my dad was watching the ballgame. He had made steaks. It felt like a special occasion. We sat down to eat and the food was some of the best I had eaten in years. My mom was all smiles the whole time I was there. All throughout dinner my parents asked me questions about school, Maine, my internship I was trying for, and if I was dating anyone. They were the exact same questions she asked me on the phone every other week but I knew they made her happier so I rattled off the answers I thought she wanted to hear and returned the questions to catch up with them. For loving them so much I found it pretty hard to have a conversation with them. I couldn’t talk politics with my dad or religion with my mom and I was being pretty vague about my studies so there went half of my ideas there.

After dinner my dad told me I could use his truck while I was in town. I went and took a drive around to see what had all changed. I had been home since leaving for Maine but never long enough or with enough free time to cruise. Ingleside Village Pizza had changed. The High School had been completely re-done almost. Most of the people I knew had moved, even if not away to a different area. I almost didn’t recognize it.

I headed back home after filling up the truck with gas. I didn’t have a lot of money but I figured it was the least I could do and my dad would appreciate it. I pulled in the driveway though and when I did I looked past the house and down to the old shed. My sense of either curiosity or nostalgia won out and I soon found myself slowly approaching the old building. My pace was slow, cautious. I approached the metal building and slowly reached out for the handle. It didn’t turn as easily as it used to and when I opened it I saw why. The shed hadn’t been used in quite some time. Though my dad was spending more time at home these days, it wasn’t in here. He had moved a lot of things around. The old couch was gone and there were two large shop tools I didn’t recognize in the dim light. My childhood sanctuary had been undone with me not there to protect it.

I exited the shed with memories fresh on my mind, good memories. I turned and looked at the woods though and found myself frozen for a moment. It’s sad that good memories have such a short lifespan in the midst of such places. I took two steps towards the woods, unsure if they were my own. Looking into the darkness of the woods I lost the fight against the flood of memories from that night. As they hit I cringed, that chill from earlier that day so long ago returning. I shivered. I caught myself looking around for him even though I knew he wouldn’t be there. I opened my mouth to call out his name but stopped myself, what good would it do.

There are few times in my life I can say I was truly afraid. This was one of those few. I couldn’t do it. My legs would not allow me to go back to that clearing. I could imagine it in my mind; unchanged and still as foreboding as when I was first there. I hadn’t been back to that spot since it happened, since Brian’s death. A howl erupted from deeper in the woods that shook me from my frozen state. I quickly turned on my heel and like I had done so many times as a child I hurried up the hill.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I wasn’t one to have wild dreams but for the little bit I did sleep in my parent’s guest room I kept seeing images in my mind. I think they were trying to make a story or maybe just tell me something but it wasn’t coming together. Most of what I saw were faces, faces of people that were related to it all somehow but if it was trying to tell me more it had been lost. I woke up, sweating. Only in Georgia could the beginning of October still feel like summer with the humidity. I was up by six and in the shower before anyone else was up. I wanted to stay in there, it felt safe and I was now dreading some of the things I had been looking forward to.

Mom got up to start breakfast but I told her I was going to go ahead and get an early start on the day. I’m not exactly sure what I had planned at that moment. I knew I wanted to get out though. I grabbed a pop-tart and kissed my mom on the cheek. I told her that I would see her at the funeral and headed out to my dad’s truck.

I found myself driving around town again and texting each of the guys to make sure I would see them later that day. I had been to most of the spots I wanted to check up on last night but there was one place I hadn’t been to and I knew I wanted to before I left. I pulled into the parking lot between the two buildings of the old church. The truck crept to a stop and I hadn’t seen the old white van on the other side of the building. Thinking I was alone I stepped out and looked at the exterior of the two buildings. Pastor Bell was older now wouldn’t come to the church every day like he used to, unless there was actually a service or an event.

The neighborhood was still bad and looked the part. The old house next to the church had looked like it had been gutted for one reason or another. There were no windows and the screen door on the back had been ripped off its hinges. The church now had bars on the bottom floor windows and a new more secure set of Plexiglas doors. The other building had blocked off the door at the basement level completely and the basketball goal had been ripped down, who knows how many times. Even changed I still felt comfortable there at the old Baptist church for some reason.

My thoughts were interrupted by the banging of a hammer that caught me off guard. I spun around and realized they were coming from the front of the fellowship hall. I made my way up to the front. One of the front doors was open with a cinderblock keeping it there. There weren’t many lights on inside the building so I couldn’t see what was going on without stepping further in. I heard the hammering again and didn’t feel like trying to yell over it. I saw an outline of a man working on a stage in old dirty jeans and a white t-shirt with a faded cross on the back. It took me a moment to realize who it was but the long brown hair with the graying roots and bushy beard.

“Pierce?”

The man was about to take another swing with the hammer but stopped hearing his name. He was banging at one of the light fixtures, trying to mount it apparently. The crate he was standing on shifted as he turned and he jumped off of it onto the stage. His eyes squinted at me, the lights on the stage effecting him the same way the sun outside had done to me.

“Jason Blunt,” he said my name in disbelief. “You were the last person I was expecting to see here. I thought you were in Maine.”

“I was,” I paused. “I needed to visit. Not the best circumstances but I thought no time like the present.” It was more complicated than that of course but no need to explain.

He approached me with a smile, “you’ve grown.”

“So has your hair.” I pointed out before he leapt from the stage and we both embraced in a light hug. He seemed genuinely happy to see me.

“So you’re here for the funeral?”

“Yeah, Dana called me.”

“Did she now,” I couldn’t read his tone if there was more to it. “It’s a shame. She was away and he was alone. He still came to church but other than that no one ever saw him really.” He put the hammer down beside some other tools and looked up at the light he was working on.

“Working by yourself today? Where are Harold and the others?”

“Harold hasn’t been around much since his wife died.”

“Oh,” I wasn’t sure if my mom forgot to tell me that or I had just forgotten. Harold was always such a nice man though. In the past the church had no problem getting people to help.

“I was trying to put these new lights up for the kids, they use this room now.” He ran a hand over his forehead wiping away the sweat, “and not sure if you noticed but the air conditioning is broken also.”

“Ouch,” I replied.

“Ouch is right. We won’t have the money to get it fixed for another two weeks or so.” He shook his head. “It looks like we will just move all of the stuff in here to the main building until then, didn’t see why I couldn’t still get some work done though.”

I nodded and looked around at the old brown walls and blue carpeting. It looked horrible to the eye with those colors. They had been slowly renovating the building for years though and if nothing it was still a work in progress. He paused and his expression became more serious.

“Have you talked to your friends lately? Derek, Brian, and Stan I mean.”

“Don’t forget David,” I added. “Yeah I keep up with them all, mostly online but we talk on the phone a lot too.”

“I’m not worried about David. David’s a good kid and he has a bright future ahead of him.”

“Not the rest of us though, huh?”

“I guess that depends. Did you move up to Maine just for school or to get away from something also?” He smiled, trying to keep the conversation cool.

“Maine’s a beautiful place. Everyone should go at some point.”

“I don’t think that answered my question really.”

“No,” I stiffened. “I’m not running from anything. Why?”

He paused and shook his head before he looked up at me. “Jason, I’m concerned.”

“Why?”

“Look this isn’t a “Hey I want to get you guys back in church” moment. I’m seriously your friend, not just your former youth pastor.”

“I can know that,” I said and nodded.

“Stan seems miserable every time I see him. His father is still running his life even though he’s in his twenties. He’s working almost every day at that shop his dad owns and takes no time off to do anything.”

“Ok, I get that but,” he saw where I was going and cut me off.

“I know that doesn’t seem like much but you’ll see when you talk to him. Derek is the same way. I’m happy for him and Jessica and I know they’re trying to have a kid but he seems different. Jessica says he’s been really having trouble with his anger lately as well. I tried to talk to him and he blew me off.”

“That doesn’t sound like Derek,” it really didn’t. Well, not with how he acted with us. I had to think about it for a moment but Pierce kept going.

“Brian’s the one I’m really worried about though.”

“What’s up with him?”

“Brian’s mom has gotten worse. They think the cancer has spread too far and have given her another year, at best.”

I looked down at his comment. He was right, that would really hurt Brian. He and his father had a decent relationship but in the end Brian loved his mother more. I suddenly found myself listening to Pierce and taking what he was saying a lot more serious.

“He dropped out of school,” he continued. “He hasn’t been working. He made a couple of comments about how he doesn’t need money and he has been drinking. I’m also not sure if it hasn’t gone further than drinking. I know at one point he had been trying drugs and I’m afraid he might be again.”

I knew that too. I knew that it was a very real possibility, one I didn’t like to hear.

“Then there was the other night,” Pierce sighed. “I’m not exactly sure what happened but he was really drunk and he called me. Shelly was away at her mother’s luckily, I talked to him for almost an hour before he just started crying.”

“About what?”

“He was mumbling. He said he didn’t want to die and that he needed to confess his sins to someone.”

“Sins, what kinds of sins,” I should have known right then but I didn’t think of what happened as any kind of Christian sin. Unless it was against us, for letting Death be so care free with life.

“He started going on and on about all of the drugs he had done and the girls he had slept with. He told me about minute things he stole and people he felt that he had wronged. In the end he started talking about how he didn’t have the time to let his life amount to anything.”

Pierce must have been able to read from my expression that I didn’t see where all of this was going. The truth was I had just put it together and was really just wondering what Brian might have told him about that particular night.

“He seemed to,” he paused. “He was rambling at first and it was hard to understand, but he mentioned something about something horrible that happened. I couldn’t understand all of it but he said something about dying.”

Shit, that was all that I could think. How was I going to explain this or convince him to just overlook it.

“At first I thought he was talking about committing suicide but as he went on I realized he was saying that he had already died.”

“I don’t,” He cut me off again. That annoyed me a little.

“He said “we”. He said something “we” did. It took him saying it a few times but I finally heard it pretty clearly. He really worried me Jason.” He took a step forward and gave me an even more stern look. “So I’m asking you, what was he talking about? What did he mean? You’re his closest friend.”

“I don’t know,” I lied. It bothered me just a little how easily that lie rolled off my tongue and how I had no trouble looking him in the eye with it.

“Well,” he said disbelieving, “if you don’t know I doubt anyone does.”

“I can talk to him.” That was the first sincere thing I had said to Pierce, even if I’d be talking to Brian for different reasons. What was the big deal at this point? Keep this hidden for six more years until Brian died under mysterious circumstances, for what? At least if others knew then we could try and talk to them. I still had that thought in the back of my mind that if we got enough people to donate then maybe Death would just let Brian finish out his natural life.

“Maybe you should,” Pierce said putting a hand on my shoulder. He put his other hand back on the stage and pulled himself up. “I should get back to work,” he said picking up the hammer. “I’ll see you guys at the funeral.”

I nodded but he didn’t see me. “Alright,” I said with my word catching in my throat; a guilty tinge perhaps. I watched him go back to trying to hammer the frame of the light back in place and heard the thunder in the distance before I turned. In the time of our conversation the bright sun had turned to grey looming skies that hid me from God. Rain fell in a slow stride at first and as I took steps towards the truck it picked up pace to emphasize it was there before I could get into the truck. I sat in the parking lot of the old church for a few minutes and listened to the rain bombard itself against the windshield before I thought to actually drive off. Slowly but surely the trip back home that I had been looking forward to was turning on me and something inside told me I deserved it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Sixteen Year Club - Pt. 3

The voice. It came out of nowhere and was distinct and unrecognizable at the same time. The accent sounded almost European, Irish maybe? No more like the UK, or even Eastern Europe? I couldn’t place it. At times it seemed as if there was no accent or a mix of different ones. The mark of someone who was well traveled or perhaps unsure themselves of where they belonged. Knowing what I know now thought I guess some people just need to come off as enigmatic and kind of an asshole when you break it down. Either way, that voice, was linger in my mind for years. This person was one I would never forget. He wouldn’t let us.

“Cat got all your tongues, I said hello.”

We all turned and looked at the man dressed in all black with the metal chain that ran from belt to wallet. He had steel toed black boots and two silver rings on his left hand. He had slicked back black hair and a five o’clock shadow. His lower lip held a shiny silver stud at the edge. I’ll never forget what he looked like that night; but it was his eyes that I fixated on. They were a stone grey and he never seemed to blink. Every time he looked at me though, when he focused on me I could almost feel myself getting colder. It was the most uncomfortable I had ever felt in my life.

“Who the hell are you,” Derek shot back.

“Oh that’s not polite,” the man said as he looked over all of us. David couldn’t even make eye contact with him he just looked down. “I’m just a concerned citizen. I heard some yelling and thought I might check it out.”

He had a swagger about him. I knew now why all of the animals in the woods had gone quiet. The real predator had arrived. I couldn’t tell if he was smiling or not but he made one last sweep over us with his eyes before looking down at Brian’s body. His exaggerated expression seemed like he was auditioning for a role in a play. It was almost like he knew Brian was there from the beginning and he was just awaiting his opportunity to convincingly notice him.

“What have we here,” he said taking several steps closer to him, his left boot next to Brian’s lifeless head almost. “Who is this unfortunate soul?”

“Our friend,” Stan said. “He needs help,” stupidly.

“Oh he needs a bit more than that,” the man said and with his boot nudged Brian’s head roughly, causing it to fall and wave back and forth with two jarring movements.

“Hey!”

Derek reached out to push the man away from his friend, like he had done to me earlier. It took me a second to realize what had taken place. When Derek reached out to push the guy his hand was grabbed around the wrist and now Derek was down on one knee as the figure held his wrist tightly. We all stepped forward.

“Stop it!”

He didn’t listen to Stan’s command, “like I said, it’s all about manners boys.”

“Who are you,” David asked.

It hit me as I watched David try and interact with him. The dark clothes and pale skin, my mind shot back to the woods earlier that day. The creek wasn’t more than five minutes away from here if you knew where to go and that was where I had seen this man earlier. What was this guy’s deal?

“What do you want?”

He had no interest in answering my question, he just smiled. I was aware he knew more than he was saying, but the depth of the truth was unreal to me at that moment. Although I had made the connection of him being by the creek earlier that day I wouldn’t make the real leap of logic until much later. I looked around, trying to figure out where this guy came from. He took a step back from Brian’s body and let Derek’s hand go.

“You alright,” Stan asked Derek. He rubbed his hand and seemed to be shivering. It didn’t take much to tell that Derek was not alright.

“What did you boys go off and do huh?”

None of us offered an answer. His feet tread a circle around Brian’s body at a bit of a distance as he looked at each of us individually with a long glance.

“Alright, no one wants to talk,” he flourished with his hands. A gesture that again made me think this man believed he was on a stage, performing for us all. “I’ll take a stab at it.”

He reached behind him and smiled, “in short,” the item he produced from seemingly nowhere caused a bit of a shock in all of us “you fucked up.” His hand was gripped tightly around Derek’s wooden baseball bat. He swung it in a mock batting motion and we all saw the blood at the end of it.

“How did you,” Derek asked without thinking.

“Shouldn’t leave stuff like this lying around. Never know who will find it.”

He was cocky. He knew as much as we did about what happened, or at least it appeared so. He rubbed the handle of the bat with his hands tightly and then suddenly stopped like he realized he was doing something wrong. He simply stood up straight and offered Derek the bat by the bloody end. Derek snatched it away from the man and held it at his side. I could see it in Derek’s mannerisms, his body language. He was thinking that this guy could mean us harm, either physically or by the fact that he made it pretty clear that he knew what happened.

“So you said you’d do anything, did I hear that right?”

“What,” I asked with my voice being a bit squeaky and astonished.

“I heard four pour little souls offering up the world because they were scared.”

We were silent again for a moment, no one could speak. The figure of the man knealt back down by Brian’s body his hand gently touching his cheek and moving his face to a profiled position as he watched him.

“Makes you wonder what he would offer, being dead and all, when you his still living friends offer so much and you aren’t even the ones facing eternity just yet.”

“Dude, you need to get out of here,” Stan said with some sense of authority that I would later realize as him imitating his father.

“Is that right Stanley,” he asked. I’m not ashamed to admit it took me a split second longer than Stan to realize how bothered I should have been.

“How do you know my name?”

“Take too long to explain,” it didn’t sound like an insult, just a snide truth. “Naming is really complicated for people who can’t use it.”

We were confused. I noticed David moving closer to me, he was afraid. I couldn’t blame him. By his actions I thought he knew more than just Stan’s name, maybe more than names at all. What were the odds of this guy just coming out of nowhere right when this happened? My mind raced and my body moved without me thinking about it. I threw myself forward at Brian’s body and looked up at the man in all black.

“Can you help,” I asked quietly at first and then forced out a yell. “Can you help him or not?”

You’re always trained to not talk to strangers. To trust adults and find them when something is wrong, unless they’re trying to lure you into a van or offer you candy. People in uniforms are your friends apparently but right now, I was willing to accept help from anyone.

“Of course I can.” He said as he put a hand on David’s shoulder. “I mean, I had to come here anyway, but since I’m here. I can help.” He smiled and David shivered and backed away. He didn’t seem to mind the young boy’s reaction though. He just stepped up to Brian’s body and me almost laying over it. He looked down at me for a moment and then stepped over Brian’s body and once he had taken two steps he turned to face us all.

“Your friend died for a really stupid reason.”

Derek looked pissed at the stranger’s words, his hand gripped the baseball bat even tighter and his teeth clenched. Stan put a more reassuring hand on David’s shoulder and I slowly stood, trying to compose myself. I won’t lie, he said he could help, I was hopeful.

“I can help your friend though, but nothing comes for free.” He pointed at each of us one-by-one, “and I will need something from each of you, plus a little incentive for myself.”

“What,” I called out in frustration. “What do you need, just tell us.”

“Yeah,” Stan said. “Just tell us what you want us to do, if you can help him do it.”

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box that looked like some kind of fancy cigarette box. He flipped open the top and pulled a black cigarette from it. “Well,” he said pulling a lighter from his other pocket. “Your friend is all out of time, his years are over.” He lit the curette and took a long drag off of it. The odor was sweet, not like a normal cigarette. “So he’d need more.” The clove crackled at the end as he took another drag. In the silence the sound felt intrusive.

“What do you mean,” I asked the question but everyone else was saying it with their expression. I felt really helpless at this point, and this guy was making me feel as if the answer was right in front of my face, and I just couldn’t see it.

“You said you’d give up anything,” the cherry at the end lit up a bright orange as he took one final drag. “So, give up some of your time for him.” He snubbed the life of the flame out against the bark of a near-by tree. “Unless you all didn’t mean what you said.”

“No we did,” David yelled, admitting he was begging earlier.

“We’ll do whatever,” Derek said finally.

“Good,” the man in black licked his lips, tasting the traces of the cigarette on them. “Then you’ll all agree to give him what he needs?”

“Could you stop speaking in riddles,” Stan shouted. “This is important.”

“You’re damn right it is, this is business,” he paused, “but you all look willing.”

“Yes,” I pleaded again. “I’ll take his place.”

“Oh nothing that drastic,” he ran a hand through his jet black hair. “There would be no fun in that.” He said looking at me. Those grey eyes seemed so hollow and dead. I wasn’t one to cry much, but I could have right then. I’m not sure anyone would have blamed me. “You just need to shed a few years, offer them up to me and I’ll give them to your friend.”

“What,” Derek said disbelieving. “What do you mean?”

“You each have a set time that your life would end, that time can be,” he paused to think of the correct term, or at least a term we would find acceptable, “adjusted.”

“You can bring him back if we,” I paused. “What?”

David had already figured it out though, “if we give some of our life to him?”

“Fine, take what you need. Just bring him back.”

The man smiled. “I love people like you, so willing to give without thought of consequence. No I think we’ve established that this is,” he waved a hand over all of us in a grand gesture, “a group project after all. It’s how it began thus shall it continue.”

“You will each live to be old, plenty of time to do whatever you wish, accomplish all you desire.” He said sincerely. “I’m asking for four, no five…five years off of the end. Those years that you would have spent alone and dying anyway. You’d have just been in diapers or in a retirement home anyway. You’d be a burden either financially or physically on the families you raised that must then care for you.” He said these things as if even thinking about that stage of life disgusted him.

“Is this for real,” Derek wasn’t convinced. I’m not sure I could blame him.

“Just do it,’ I said. I saw Stan nod in agreement with me. Derek looked perplexed still but he nodded in agreement with helping Brian. David, David was afraid, rightfully, but he nodded as well.

“Patience,” he chided us as he seemed to be thinking about something, “five years each, four for your friend and one for me.”

“One for you,” Stan said raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, you didn’t think my services came for free did you?”

We didn’t reply. If this guy was for real, I guess he was right. We offered to give up almost anything and why shouldn’t there be some sort of fee past that.

“There are four of you, so he’ll live another sixteen years to the day.” He said like he was negotiating a contract or doing some mundane business routine that caused us all to sit in silent horror. “You’ll each die five years earlier, no negotiating, or refunds.” He smiled. “Like I said though, you’re getting the good end of this bargain.”

I looked at the others. I knew I was willing but were they, could I ask them to do this.

“What if,” I hesitated, I hate myself for it but I did. “What if I gave up all of it, I’ll give up all of the years.”

“As I said earlier young Jason,” I hated that he knew my name, it scared me even more. “Variety is the spice of life. I don’t want just one of you supple young things. You each have rich aspects of your young and potentially long lives.”

“Fine we’ll do it,” Derek answered for us, for the rest of them at least. “Just do it, if you can really do something and you aren’t just pulling our legs then do it now.”

“David, Stanley?” He asked in a condescending manner that just made me dislike him more. Stan just nodded and balled his fists up tight. David looked nervous, afraid, and a little more than unsure about his answer. He turned and looked at me.

“Say yes,” I said and to this day I think I made a mistake, at least with getting David to do it. I know he said no negotiations but there had to be a way for us to at least keep David out of it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I’ve thought about it a lot. I often wonder if we should have done it at all but I can never think about it without seeing David’s eyes look at me for the answer, he trusted me and I told him to say yes out of my selfish desire to get my best friend back.

“So it’s done,” he said. “Now just for the show.”

I didn’t know what he meant. I don’t think any of the others did either. He knelt down though and began scooping up the dirt and clay around him. He balled it all up in his hands until there was a prett sizable clump. After examining the dirt he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black object about the length of his fist. With a quick flutter of his wrist and the press of a button the switchblade popped out. I think we all instinctively took a step back, I know I did. We had no idea if this guy was certifiable. We weren’t even really in our right states of mind.

“Do I really need to explain this part?”

We just continued to look at him, unsure.

“Of course I do,” he sighed. “I miss the old days, truly I do.” He made a cutting motion along his hand without actually breaking the skin and then held his wrist over the small hand held pile of dirt. “See? Make sense?”

I heard David gasp slightly. He was so scared, he was trying to be brave but he was so scared. I was too but, this had to be done. I reached out and took the knife.

Derek motioned to stop me, “How do we know you’ll do what you say you will. This seems really fishy.”

“You boys gotta have faith,” he said with a wicked smile.

I looked at the others.

“We have to try, for Brian, so we can forget this night ever happened.” I was stupid to believe that but I did. If Brian came back because of what this man was about to do, we could just forget how stupid we had been, the mistake we made. One day we might even look back at this and laugh, isn’t that what everyone says when something goes horribly wrong?

---

I thought it best to lead by example. Taking the knife I held up my left hand and looked at it. This didn’t seem hard. It would just take a simple cut, quick and painless. I had never done this before though. I set the blade to my flesh and pressed in. The stinging sensation surprised me. I’m not sure why it did but my teeth clenched and I took a step back without realizing it. The wound opened up as the stinging persisted. The gash was small at first but opened up towards the bottom of my hand and the blood flowed out quicker than I thought it would.

The red droplets fell and as it became a small stream I held my hand over the dirt in the stranger’s hands. As soon as he looked satisfied with the sacrifice I quickly clenched my hand to stop the bleeding. My hand still hurt. I’ve often caught myself wondering if it was meant to hurt so long or just that my first intentional cut was just that jarring. I handed back the knife hesitantly but he motioned me to pass it on. David was next to me but I skipped over him and handed the weapon to Stan. I don’t think David minded, though it’d be his turn eventually.

“One down, three too go.”

Derek took the knife with an uneasy shake in his hand. An older version of this same man might have just as easily tried to attack the stranger over cutting himself. He didn’t though. He clung to the idea that if this stranger was telling the truth then he could most certainly help his friend. He looked at the knife and held up his left hand, placing the blade carefully to the epidermis. When he cut, he barely made a sound. If he felt more than a slight discomfort from it he didn’t let it show. He reached out to the pile of dirt the same as I had and let the essence that was to give our friend life flow freely for a few brief moments. He clenched his hand tightly to stop the blood and handed Stan the knife.

Stan took it and let the blade gleam off the light as he reflected. He had seen us do it and he sighed knowing what had to be done. His cut was the quickest. Within seconds his blood was sprinkled onto the pile of dirt. His eyes were locked with the stranger. I wasn’t sure how he could and not be unsettled by those eyes, that cocky gaze. He stared deep into the grey orbs though as he clenched his hand tightly. Anyone else might have thought he was getting ready to punch the man. There was anger in Stan’s eyes. I thought it was because he was angry that this man would demand something for saving someone’s life, especially to demand something so significant. It didn’t take much to see his anger. He was trying to keep that feeling going but he realized like I did that there was only one person left to contribute. His expression softened and he slowly handed the knife to David.

David’s hand was shaking as he reached out for the knife. His lip was almost quivering and I was pretty sure it wasn’t from the cold. He looked at his own reflection in the blade and seemed to take forever to move it towards his hand. When he finally did he took in two deep breaths, preparing himself before sliding the knife across his skin. Nothing happened. There was no flash of red or cutting and tearing of tissue. David hadn’t even cut hard enough to pierce the skin.

The stranger chuckled, “it’s alright lad, you ain’t made of much that is stern. You’re the brains of this operation.”

As if ushering him with words earlier wasn’t enough I stepped up and took David’s free hand. “I’ll help,” I told him as my other hand took the knife from his. He eyed me like a scared fawn who had been caught in a set of headlights for most of the night. I balanced the metal in my hand and made sure to try to make it as quick and painless as possible. The cut I made in David’s hand wasn’t as big as the rest of ours. I was trying to protect him. He still winced when it happened, his mouth gaped open for a moment. I moved his hand over to the now quiet wet clump in the strangers hand and squeezed tightly to make sure enough blood came out, I didn’t want to have to cut him again.

A part of me shivers now thinking of how un-sterile that knife probably was. Or maybe it wasn’t, the knife might have been more of a symbol than anything else really. This act that we had just performed was some type of ritual. There had to be a physical sacrifice with the actual act of giving up the parts of our lives.

The stranger watched us for a second before his hands began to move around the large sticky material in his hands. It took me a minute to realize he was mumbling something under his breath. To this day none of us knew what he was saying or if it was even in a real language. It wasn’t like it really threw up any red flags, I wasn’t even sure I had actually heard him say anything. I was mesmerized at the meticulous care he took squeezing and rolling the ball of mud and making sure that it was perfect. As he continued the ball seemed to get smaller and smoother. It was less than half of what it started out as and although Georgia is known for its red clay, this color red was much deeper and unblemished.

After double checking his work and making sure he was satisfied with it the stranger held the ball up to the moon and inspected it even a little bit further. He knelt down on one knee by Brian. I had a flash back of the stranger nudging him with his foot and wanted to intercept. This guy didn’t care for Brian, he wasn’t friends with him. We had come too far though. We had put all of our trust in him and our blood in his hands.

The stranger smiled as he placed a hand underneath Brian’s limp neck and propped his head up. The dead boy’s mouth hung open slightly but the man in black parted it further with his pinky finger on the hand that held the mud ball.

“Open wide for me,” he said to Brian in an odd almost uncomfortable tone. He looked up at us. “Happy thoughts children, here comes the fun part.”

We all looked down as the stranger began to force the ball he had created into Brian’s mouth. Though shrunken the ball was still pretty big so it had to be forced part the way down. It looked incredibly uncomfortable. Our savior smirked a bit at the side of his lips as he got it all the way in and didn’t have to listen to anyone’s objections. I’ve learned that the dead rarely object in a manner that you’ll ever actually have to hear. The odd thing was that once the ball was pushed far down into his throat the man removed his hand, but the ball did not stop moving. I could see it pushing down through the passageway, heading to his stomach.

I didn’t question it. I should have but this night had been so strange already, why bother. There was a pause as a hush fell over us all and was still over the area of the woods we were in. The deafening silence was antagonizing. The thought that we had just been the victims of some elaborate prank crossed my mind. David turned away, he couldn’t stand it.

“Well,” Stan lashed out. “Did you do it? Are you just screwing with us?”

“Patience,” the man said softly, “a word you’d do well to embrace.”

We watched again. I heard Derek mutter something about this being bullshit and watched him tighten his hand around the bat again. David finally turned back around. His cheeks were a bit more flush, tears probably. I didn’t just, I didn’t ask, and I didn’t dwell on it. I came close enough myself there was no room for me to break down David.

I think I was the first to notice Brian’s hand twitching. I thought it was just a natural thing, you always hear about how the body moves sometimes after it has been dead for a little bit. The second and third spasms made me question that though, their violent twitch moving the dirt and leaves around it now. The sound we heard next was terrifying. No one should ever have to hear a friend choking like that. His arm rose as a painful gurgling sound began. His eyes shot open but they were still rolled back in his skull and he obviously couldn’t breath.

I moved to help him but the stranger pushed me back, “something he has to do on his own.”

It was painful to watch, there wasn’t one amongst us that didn’t look horrified as he rolled over and started trying to vomit. Nothing came out at first, then the blood and large clumps of dirt. His fingers dug into the ground and he was crying in between every wheeze and hack as he bellowed up to the night sky. David turned away again and covered his mouth. I don’t remember if he threw up or not.

There was a moment of silence when I thought it was all over but soon the tumultuous hacking and spitting began again. Derek reached into his coat amidst the snacks and other things he had brought from my shed. He produced a canned soda and popped it open, trying to hand it down to Brian.

“Wait,” the stranger called out with a booming authority in his voice we had not yet heard.

Derek did stop. Brian gave one final loud cry that I now equate to a woman being in labor as he forced out one finally last chunk of bloodied dirt. This one was different however, it shown a deep maroon color and was perfectly smooth almost like the larger one the man made Brian swallow. He motioned for Derek to continue whispering “Now” as he reached down and picked up the small red sphere that was about the size of a gumdrop or other piece of candy.

Derek offered Brian the soda hesitantly.

“Brian,” I called out softly, wanting an answer so badly.

Stan moved up and took the soda from Derek. He tilted Brian’s chin up. Brian was on all fours and still coughing pretty consistently. Stan took a moment to angle the soda and then began to pour it down into his mouth. Brian choked a little on it. Some of the soda fell from the sides of his mouth. This was a strange feeling, to be so elated that he was moving and alive but at the same moment to see how weak and hurt Brian was.

Brian fell to his knees and took the soda from his friend drinking it down quickly as more of the soda fell on his chin and shirt. David finally looked back at Brian, “he’s okay.” He mouthed as the stranger looked at me.

“He’ll be fine, just might not remember what happened.” He reached out and took my hand, placing the small red orb in my hand. It felt cold and alien as it rolled across my palm. “You need to give him that,” he said sternly. “I’d say make sure he holds on to it but that isn’t the issue, he’ll want to though.”

I nodded but I had so many questions as I looked down at it. I closed my fist tight to make sure I didn’t lose it and when I looked up the stranger as he lit another cigarette. Brian had David, Stan, and Derek helping him up slowly, making sure he was okay. I turned back to the stranger.

“So he’ll live,” I asked but it seemed rhetorical.

“Sixteen years, your gift not mine. But I do appreciate what you gave me.”

“Who are you anyway?”

“Remember what I said about how important naming is?” I nodded but wasn’t sure I followed. “It’ll be better when you figure it out for yourself.”

I watched as the figure turned and walked through the woods back the way he had come; his dark clothes soon melding into the night. I saw him turn and look back over his shoulder. He knew I was watching him. I kept on doing so until I saw the last hint of the fire from the cigarette fade into nothingness. I stared at the eternal night for a second longer, half expecting more to happen.

I guess in the back of my mind I always knew what his name was, from the moment I saw him work. I never wanted to admit to it though or let it really sink in. Something about admitting it to myself always scared me, and at the age I was then, it was just easier for me to kind of let the fog roll in and push that particular memory out of the way and obfuscate it; until I was ready to face it again.

Brian’s cough shook me back to reality and it hit me. Noise. I could hear things moving around us again and the animals weren’t afraid or hiding anymore. It was if time had temporarily stopped around us for that peculiar encounter. David was shaking. It was cool but not that cold. He was still afraid and he’d continue shaking for most of the night.

“Brian,” I asked to him again.

This time he made eye-contact with me again and nodded slightly before coughing again. His chest shook with a violent thud from each cough as he looked down and tried to tap the soda can once more for anything left. He tossed it to the side and it made a hollow clunk against the ground.

“What happened,” It was the first thing he said.

I wanted to run over and hug him. I had been so worried. I was stuck in this false sense of elation because at the time I wasn’t thinking about the whole picture, I lived in the now. Derek and Stan helped him up to his feet slowly, carefully; like a new-born child.

“How do you feel?”

“I,” he regarded my question carefully, “I feel like I’m going to be sick.” That’s when he threw up. I couldn’t help but feel for him.

We began walking back under the bashful eye of the moon. In the moments that the stranger was there it felt like even she had taken time off so that she didn’t have to witness what took place. Our stride was slow and somber on the way back to my shed. Derek stopped and looked at the bloodied bat in his hands. He looked off away from us and at that time I had no clue how sinister the thoughts were growing in his mind.

David hadn’t said a word since we left the clearing. He was tired and cold and at one point almost bumped into a tree he didn’t notice. He was off in his own little world of solitude trying to repress everything he had seen. I knew he wouldn’t sleep at all that night, and I felt bad that I couldn’t help him. David had always been picked on through-out his life and as a result of that he lived in his own fantasy world of books, role playing, and computer games. Now some of that fantasy had come true and I wasn’t sure that he could handle it.

Stan and I were talking to Brian, trying to fill him in. Surprisingly he didn’t have as many questions as you would have thought. The last thing he remembered was sneaking into the house, other than a few images that he mentioned but couldn’t fully explain. We filled in the gaps as best we could but when it came to his death and magic rebirth, we tried to keep it simple. It was hard explaining the details of something that you didn’t fully understand, even if you were there yourself. His pace progressively slowed the more we explained to him.

“So a guy dressed in all black made you all bleed onto some dirt.”

“Yeah, after being kind of an ass about the whole thing.”

Stan’s answer was accurate but it seemed a little too jovial for my taste. I was mentally exhausted because of the events tonight and things were still milling around in my mind to fully work themselves out. Stan seemed the most composed out of all of us but I still felt a sense of anger from him. “Five years,” he had said as we first left. “I wonder what I would have done with those years.” Stan seemed a little more concerned about that then doing the math to realize that Brian would be the first to feel the effects of the loss of years.

“So you guys each gave me five years,” Brian asked.

“Four each, we had to pay him one each for doing it.”

I wanted to chime in but Stan seemed to have the explanation under control. It was slowly sinking in. At least I thought it was. Brian repeated some of his questions but Stan and I didn’t mind. I couldn’t imagine what he must have been feeling them.

“Sixteen years,” he said trailing off a couple of times.

It had to be a lot to take in. As I walked back the last few yards I felt sick. I needed to go to the bathroom, I was about to throw up I think. All and all I just wanted to crawl in a hole and pretend this never happened. I stopped as I saw the shed coming up through the trees. Had we just stayed there tonight and not gone out. I shouldn’t have let Derek, Stan, and Brian…who I am kidding, in the end we all wanted to go. I put my hand up on a tree and waited for the queasy feeling to pass. The others passed me and walked in.

I entered a moment later. Everyone was sitting down in their usual spots. I couldn’t help but note the odd absence of a movie or video game playing on the old big television my dad and I had lugged down there almost two years ago. Everyone had a drink or snack in their hand and you could say that was the reason it was so quiet but I knew it wasn’t. We sat in that silence for several long moments before I grabbed a drink and popped the tab on the can.

“Is everyone okay?”

Another long absence of sound hit before David spoke up.

“I’m gonna lay down,” he said finishing off the soda and standing.

“Shouldn’t we talk about what happened,” Stan suggested before looking around at each of us. Brian nodded in agreement with him, probably still a bit unsure of just what occurred himself. “I mean, I wasn’t even sure it actually happened at first, I thought I was asleep or something.”

“Nah,” Derek said. “It happened, but no one would believe us if we told them it did.”

“What have we done,” David suggested. “We shouldn’t have done anything without our parents.” That’s when it happened. He started to tear up and ran for the door but Derek caught his arm.

“I know this is tough,” I told him and stood to comfort him. I didn’t want him to think he was trapped. “We’ll get through this, but we have to work together.”

I meant every word of it. I couldn’t figure out exactly how it was going to happen right that second but I knew it would. As long as we stuck together we could do anything. We could weather any storm, as long as we had each other. You can say it’s corny, I wouldn’t blame you. The truth was thought that at the time, I really believed that.

The rest of the night didn’t feel right. David and I went out and talked outside and he cried the whole time even though he was trying not to. When we came back in I put on a movie so that it would take our minds off things, or at least attempt to. I’ve heard that the younger you are the easier it is to bounce back from traumatic events. I’m not sure how much stock I put into that. I think some people are just more capable of dealing with things than others.

David eventually fell asleep in his sleeping bag. Derek passed out on the couch. Stan tried eventually but he couldn’t sleep and knew it’d be time to leave soon. Brian, Brian just stared at the television. I tried to talk to him but he said he didn’t want to talk about it.

“I just want to go take a shower, get some clean clothes.”

“As soon as my mom leaves with Stan,” I didn’t want to risk waking her up and arousing suspicion.

I couldn’t sleep either though. The three of us just stayed up and sat in silence until Stan checked the time. He placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder and gave him a sincere look.

“I’ll see you around soon as I can.”

Stan went up the hill and met my mom. She was surprised she didn’t have to come down to get him, with good reason. I was glad she didn’t come down though, I’m not sure what my face would have betrayed about me right then. It wasn’t just a mood. I wanted to tell someone, to tell an adult. I wanted my mom to come swoop in and fix everything and make it right.

Stan told her we were all asleep and ok. She was in a hurry, having to drop him off as well, and didn’t come down to check herself. When I was sure that she was gone we went up to the house, leaving Derek and David to finish sleeping it off. Brian took a shower and I got him something to wear while we washed his dirtied clothes. I made myself a snack but as soon as I started to eat it I suddenly wasn’t hungry, the sight of the food making me sick. Brian came back in from the bathroom, showered and in the clothes I gave him as I was throwing the rest of the away.

“I’m sorry, I should have asked,” I said holding up the plate

“I’m not hungry,” he replied almost lifelessly. I couldn’t really argue with him.

Soon Derek and David wandered up from the shed. When they reached the house Derek talked about not getting any sleep and the physical pain in his neck. I concurred and soon enough Brian joined in the conversation. Lastly David chimed in a word or two and before long we were all talking like normal. It may have been some kind of faux “realness” but it worked for the time.

Before long Derek’s dad came to pick up Derek and David. Brian and I went in my room and sat just flipping through the channels, occasionally commenting on things we saw on screen.

“Is everything going to be alright?”

His question caught me off guard as I was preparing my comment about the Victoria’s Secret add on television. It reminded me of Dana. She could have been in that ad. When he asked that though I knew what I had to say.

“Of course man,” I mustered sincerity into my words. Sixteen years was a long time, and we could figure something out. Maybe if we could get more people involved, everyone give him just a year or two. That guy said he liked variety. Maybe the sincerity wasn’t so unfounded.

It wasn’t too long before mom got back from her meeting and she took us out to lunch. We ate chicken and talked about the fall festival at the church and glossed over the rest of our night. Mom was talking about her meeting. She was stressed at work and thinking about taking an early retirement. If I needed another reason not to tell her what really happened that was it. I couldn’t pile more and more onto her, especially something that was our fault.

What stuck out to me, but thankfully not as much to Brian, was what mom said as we were finishing up.

“I saw in the paper that Mr. Hopkins died,” she said throwing her trash and ours onto the tray, stacking it up neatly. “It was just odd because they found him not too far from our house. He was back there by the creek fishing when he had a heart attack. I’m glad you didn’t go back there yesterday.” She stood to go toss the trash away. I didn’t respond as everything slowly connected in my mind and I felt that familiar cold chill run down my spine before I could stand to leave. I should really trust my instincts more than I do.

After lunch mom dropped Brian off at home. She was quiet for a few minutes but I could tell she wanted to say something, I just wasn’t sure what. Had we let it slip or acted odd? I wasn’t sure but my mother seemed to have an intuition about these things.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” I lied.

“You and Brian didn’t get in another fight did you,” she asked with a pause, “or anything like that?” She was feeling around in the dark.

I was so relieved she didn’t ask something else. Honestly though how could she have known what actually happened.

“No,” that was true, we didn’t fight. “Just didn’t get a lot of sleep.” Two truths should make up for one lie, right?

That was the end of that thankfully. That Saturday night we had a family dinner which gave me an excuse to lock myself in my room with my younger cousins and play video games. Sunday morning I told my mom I was really sick, that I thought the food last night upset me. I stayed home. Usually I’d be so excited to go see my friends and get out of the house but not that day. I stayed in bed most of Sunday and only came out to eat. I read some and listened to music, I didn’t feel like doing much else.

I wasn’t able to miss school on Monday though. My mother was pretty strict about her “No fever, no staying home” policy. To say I was feeling some trepidation towards seeing everyone back at school would be an understatement. Much to my surprise though as I entered the lunchroom things felt tense for just a moment before the guys started talking. We joked about class, schoolwork, things we had seen on television, and talked about movies coming out we wanted to see. Things seemed, well, back to normal as best they could at least. Maybe my worrying all weekend was for nothing.